Dear God, the Weather
Applegate, OR
June 14, 2001

Dear God,

   With all due respect, sir, I would like to point out that there are better ways to conduct weather than those you have used in southern Oregon this spring. I know you have been doing this job for a long time, but could I suggest that you are very old and might suffer from an occasional "senior moment," such as forgetting how to put the seasons in their proper order? After a May that scorched us like July, you started June with weather like early April! It hardly seems necessary to tell you, of all people, Creator, that April comes before May and July comes after June and that the progression from winter to summer is one from cold to hot with a gradual and pleasant warming in between. That was the original, excellent design.
    Maybe you thought you were making up for things by giving us the cool, almost-wet weather of the past few days, and, yes, it was a relief; don't think I'm not grateful, but, God, listen. Let me explain how it works. Winter storms put snow on the mountains, and during the warmer months the snow gradually melts and sinks down the mountain into the valleys, so everyone has water in the summer - the people, the animals, the plants. We need rain in the winter, when it's cold. June is too late! - too little rain - too warm for snow. Don't you know that? What do you think you're doing?! You're botching the whole job!!
   Please accept my apologies for losing my temper - and please don't get vindictive, though I know you can. We don't need any angry lightning bolts this summer - 'cause that's another thing. So little rain as you've given us this year has left us living in a tinder box. We're scared to death of fire this summer. Lightning causes fire, in case you've forgotten?
   I do sympathize with how busy you must be. Mistakes from the overworked should be forgiven, I guess. But, God, weather is an important job. If you can't handle it, or - if you don't mind my mentioning it again - if you feel you're too old for this job, why not turn it over to somebody else? I may not be the best person for the job, but even I would do it better than you. I'm sure you can find a good replacement if you're ready to retire. Wouldn't you like to vacation in the tropics without having to worry about the weather?
   I would like to close with a word of thanks for all the beautiful things you have given us on this earth, especially here in southern Oregon. They are too numerous to mention. You have been generous and good to us in the past. Please don't stop now.
    Give my love to all the angels. And in spite of my complaints above, much love to you, too.

Yours respectfully,

Diana Coogle